Before I get down to
the core of what I am about to discuss here, I’d like to draw a small analogy
narrated to me by someone.
The teeth and the tongue reside in the same mouth. Sometimes the tooth
bites the tongue. Yet, the tongue does not retaliate, and the two continue to
dwell harmoniously in the same mouth. That’s the art of forgiveness.
Talk about forgiving, and what’s the first thing that jumps to the
minds of those of us who love to hold onto our grudges? It’s the supposedly
intelligent argument that “I won’t allow
the other person to live in the blissful thought that they have been forgiven.”
Why?
Because according to
us, its equivalent to allowing a criminal walk scott-free. But we’re so busy
focusing on what the other person derives out of being forgiven, that we forget
ourselves in the process.
Do you or do you not
gain something by forgiving someone?
The above argument
portrays a very narrow scope of thought. And it is this misconception that I’m
attempting to dispel. It’s not your self-respect that you’re holding in place
by employing this argument; it’s your ego. And it’s the very thing that’s
holding you down, not propelling you forwards towards a better tomorrow. By not
forgiving someone, are we or are we not holding back a part of ourselves as
well in the process? And if we’re not here to get on and get ahead, then why
are we here? And in the process of getting ahead, what is it that stops you
from spreading a little cheer and exercising a little forgiveness every once in
a while?
Smiles are meant to
be shared and spread, not kept to oneself like a jar of cookies.
Getting back to the
part about there being something for you in the process of forgiving someone –
why does it matter that the other person derives the pleasure of knowing that
he/she is forgiven when there’s just as much pleasure, if not more, to be
enjoyed by you as well? Pleasure in the form of peace of mind and the knowledge
that you’ve made someone smile…it’s something similar to that miniature dose of
ecstasy that you derive by feeding that beggar on the street and seeing him
smiling at you in gratitude.
Why focus on the
other person and miss out on your share of fun?
Think of yourself
sometimes.
They say “daag acche hote hain”…I say it’s good
to be selfish sometimes.
And yes, to the one I'm thinking about- I forgive you! And to the one's whom I've hurt, I'm sorry, please forgive me!
:)
"Forgive. But don't forget."
ReplyDeleteRemember- not every apology will be genuine. So this should save you from lot of pain in future.
Have a nice day.
it will always depend on how deep a wound is..honestly Confused Soul my kids and I have been physically abused by my exhusband for 10 years and though I am now annulled and free it is so hard to forgive..BUT I agree with what you have said forgiveness does not mean what he has done and is doing is ok..forgiving someone is really needed and I am now learning to slowly release those hurts from my past so I can fully start anew and finally be set free from my painful baggage in my life..it is really hard and heavy to have these hurts but it doesn't mean I will go back to him..never never never again will he hurt us..I am sure God's wrath is at hand so let God make the move now..I am tired also of battling with my past nightmares..it is time to let go and start anew ;)
ReplyDeletevery well written Confused Soul..I really need this now ;)
I remember reading this somewhere, made a lot of sense to me - When you don't forgive someone and hold a grudge against them for a long time, you are inadvertently letting them live rent free in your head.
ReplyDeleteCheers :)
It is better to let go and not hold grudges. Makes things easier :) Lovely post.
ReplyDeleteThough many a times it is very difficult to let go of things.
Loved it... :) ..
ReplyDeleteI have a tough time letting go someone very dear to me.. :| .. its either your a huge part of my life or nothing! and that makes it all the more difficult!
WOW. To forgive is such a difficult thing, but a great quality and super essential. Everyone deserves a chance. Loved the post, the depth, the style and the anecdote.
ReplyDeleteBrilliance again.
Very powerful article but i disagree with some of the facts. it is not always about ego. sometimes it is also about self-esteem. in my case, i never forgive and never forget. i am quite rigid and extreme by nature....
ReplyDeletesorry in anticipation
It may took a longer time for the heart to heal, yet somewhere within you will tell you to forgive. This is to, at least, lessen the pain you felt inside.
ReplyDeleteForgiveness, as well, is a way of putting yourself into a total relief. ;-)
Sometimes Its really difficult to forgive in case the wound is that hard..you feel like why the other person deserves mercy while you didnt!
ReplyDeleteTrue Post CS :)
Yes....."its always good for our body and the soul to forgive them who hurt us"....
ReplyDeletebut again, its not that easy always....
@Anon- Forgetting can nver happen. Because the time we need to forgive, you still hold a piece of that memory and retain it with you. But I agree. Thank you :)
ReplyDelete@Sie- I'm sorry you had to go through so much pain. And you don't deserve it. You deserve to be happy. The art of forgiveness is to let go & you've done that. You just need to be at peace with yourself and your kids. Yes time will heal all that happened. Stay strong. *hugs*
@AS-Haha surprisingly it was also my FB status for a while. And yes that makes a lot of sense :)
@PhilO-Nothing's ever easy unless you look at it in that light. Thank you babe :)
@Viya- You're right! It's just so hard when you've spent so much time with a person that he/she becomes a habit. A part of your life. But you'll get there sweetheart. You eventually will.
@Sonshu- Yeah you just sort of free yourself from the burden. hard but it is brings back some calm. Thank you :*
@Sneha- Oh that's okay. Well yes self-esteem and respect are important. Infact vital. And I respect what you say. This was just my POV and you're free to disagree. Thank you! :)
@Jela- Exactly my point. I'm so glad you got it :)
@The Madrasi- It happens. Everyone's meant to deal with pain and human minds are selfish. We always crib and we always blame. Maybe what you dealt with was torturing or even painful, but there are people who deal with worse. You never know. But if you forgive, you're just being a better person. That's just how I think :)
@Irfanuddin- Who said anything about it being easy? :) .. It's hard but not impossible. The key is to accept joy and happiness and get off with the negativity and bad vibes :)
Well written sweetheart! And I couldn't agree with you more for what you said about ego and it's negative implications. It shows the growth and maturity that you cradle within yourself. Glad to have read this. :-)
ReplyDeleteXOX
We forgive for ourselves. Not for the wrong-doer.
ReplyDeleteI am just on the verge of holding a grudge against someone I'd forgiven long back, but someone with whom I've had problems again.
ReplyDeleteAnd the only reason I haven't resorted to the bitchy revenge tactics is because I'm a better person than that. The fact that I haven't retaliated is because there is more to me than just that.
@Mirage-Thanks love :)
ReplyDelete@Abhi- Absolutely!
@HGL- Exactly. You're a better person and you need to set that right. Way to go buddy :)
Let go.... holding a grudge hurts no one but the person holding it.... letting go is like freedom, peace :)
ReplyDelete@ASH- I have. I finally did let go :)
ReplyDelete