Love, Lust and Emotional Breakdown!

I had learnt to live without you.

I had learnt to move on.

I had learnt that it was not my fault that we broke up.

I had learnt that every time you said you wanted me, it was nothing more than in a physical lustful way.

I had learnt to STOP TRUSTING blindly

I had learnt that love was overrated.

Just when life opened its arms and embraced me, you came back.

Back to cloud my vision…my thoughts.

Back to make me feel wanted.

Back to making me feel I was nothing without you.

Back to making me feel worthless.

5 years have passed since we broke up but it seems like yesterday.

I remember those days of togetherness where I felt like the center of your world.

You treated me like a princess and placed me on a pedestal.

You made me feel love, the kind I’d never felt before.

And just when you realized I was head over heels in love with you, what did you do?

You cheated on me. You fucking slept with the girl you introduced me to as a friend.

Do you realize the trauma?

Do you even know about the pain you put me through?

I was only 15 for Christ’s sake.

I wasn’t accustomed to being treated like that.

My whole world crumbled beneath my legs.

I felt like everything we had was a lie.

You begged, you pleaded, and you convinced you loved me.

And me.. me being that naïve little girl, gave you another chance.

I wanted to put things right and what then? You went ahead and slept with another girl.

God what had I done? Didn’t I love you enough?

You said my love was enough to keep you happy, then why?

You just wanted me in bed. And me… never mind!

I would do anything to make you happy.

Do you realize as a girl hailing from a middle-class conservative family, to give you physical pleasure was a sin? Or at least for me it was. Do you realize that all that I did was for us to work out? Do you realize it really MEANT something to me and that it wasn’t casual or usual for me? Do you realize how much I loved you? Do you know I sacrificed my future to be with you? Do you even acknowledge the choices I made to be with you? The only consolation I have to keep is ... I’m just sooooo glad I didn’t have sex with you. You oh so don’t deserve it!!

After breaking up with you, my life was a living hell.

Something within me had died. Something had rotted and it stank so much to the extent that I couldn’t bear it anymore. I couldn’t handle my reflection in the mirror. I couldn’t face anyone, not even myself. I went into depression. I cut myself; hurt myself in every possible way. All this gave me immense satisfaction. A weird pleasure. I seemed to be losing it. I cut off from the world. My first ever relationship and you screwed it up. You made me feel LOVE is nothing but a game.

And then HE came. He made me feel worthy. He made me see that there are jackasses in this world and that not every guy was like you. He brought me back to life. I was hesitant but I gave it a try. Do you know how hard it was for me?

And now you’re back.. after 5 years trying to treat me like a doormat.

Initially I felt a certain level of attraction. Yes my past was inviting. Yes YOU were enticing.

I’d forgiven you thinking that it was just a mistake and I’d learnt my lesson.

I let you come close. AGAIN.

I was repeating the same mistake. Again.

But you know what.. I’m over YOU!

I’m done with putting up with your junk.. I’m done with being treated like trash.

I deserve better and I HAVE BETTER.

Why is it so hard for you to believe I’m happy?

I AM VERY HAPPY.

I have found the ONE for me. I’m more than happy with him.

HE loves me for who I am. He loves me with all my flaws.

He just understands and knows me. He knows how I feel and what I like.

I can be myself with him without the fear of being judged.

He is just more than what I wanted. He is more than what I could ever want.

You need to go away. You need to back off.

You need to stop messing with my head.

Actually it isn’t YOU. It’s ME.

I need to stop letting you creep into my head and remind me of US.

Let me say.. I’m glad you were a part of my life.

I’m glad you taught me to love. I’m glad you gave me pain.

I’m glad you treated me like a ‘use-n-throw’ material. I’m glad you cheated.

I’m glad you left. I’m glad you made me die. I’m glad you came by!

I’m glad that because of you I met A.M.

I’m glad HE took away the pain. I’m glad HE made me believe.

I’m glad HE loved me. I’m glad HE is loyal. I’m glad HE came.

I’m glad HE brought me to life. I’m glad HE treats me like his wife!

You… you’re history.. you can leave or stay.. but I’m indifferent coz you mean nothing to me!

NOTHING!