Love Marriage Ya Arranged Marriage?

Marriage is the union of two, or more individuals in a contract or agreement that binds them together (for as long as they wish) and gives each participant certain rights over the others involved.

Most of our perceptions of what marriage means has come primarily from two places; the first is of course the marriage of our own parents and how this marriage worked out. Also the happiness quotient of our Mom and Dad obviously makes the biggest impact on us as we grow up.

The second, in our case, is Bollywood. Since we're little kids, ideas of what a marriage should be, and why people get married are chucked at us by way of cheesy hindi movies.

In most of the films I saw while growing up, marriage seemed to be about the love between a boy and a girl (normally opposed by the inexplicably disgruntled and generally unreasonable families).

This opposition would result in the couple eloping, or raging a war of some kind against the 'zaalim duniya' in order to be together. The film would end with them running into each other's arms in the middle of a green field of wheat.

The film never bothered to show us what happened after they got married and the boy became a fat, lazy bum with a chronic television watching urge and the woman became cranky due to menopause.

I'm not saying that this is the fate of all couples; that would be too presumptuous of me. I'm just saying that no one bothered to tell us, or even asked us to think of how the two immature, hot-blooded, as yet unemployed boy and girl planned to sustain themselves.

The truth is that most marriages that take place have very little to do with the couple involved. This is because marriage (in our culture) is not between just two people; it is the union of two families. 

It is a legal contract with complex property, inheritance laws. In most cases it expects a woman to give up her maiden name and re-adapt her background, her family values.

Most people get married, so that they can make some babies (preferably boys) to carry on the family name and inherit their business empires or property. Or to make babies so there can be enough hands in the family to work in the fields.

Keeping these factors in mind, I can understand why parents arrange the marriages of their kids. It's because their priorities are very different from what the movies have told us marriage should be about.

My fundamental issue with arranged marriages is that they are fixed on the basis of caste/religion/community. These are the criteria that are considered while selecting a suitable partner for their kids. As I am personally against such discrimination, I cannot agree with the concept of an arranged marriage.

On the other hand, if two people decide that they are in love with each other enough to want to live together for the rest of their lives, it does not mean that they really will. I do not believe that it is possible to remain "in love" for such a long period of time. Although I do think that while living together, people develop a love for each other that becomes an important support system to them over the years.

People argue that although love marriages are based on mutual consent and history of togetherness, they do not last as long as arranged marriages do, because the divorce rate among love marriages is way higher.

But this may also indicate that people who come from backgrounds that advocate arranged marriages may also be forced to accommodate and accept a lot more than their liberal counter-parts. Such families may also be very anti-divorce, irrespective of how unhappy the couple may be together.

Over all, I think that both love marriage and arranged marriage are two sides of the same coin- Marriage. I believe, the only way a marriage can last through a lifetime, is by constant compromise and accommodation by both parties involved. If there is a balance in the power equation between the couple, it does not matter if it is a love or an arranged marriage. As long as the constitution of marriage remains important to the two, they will uphold it. 

Together Forever Till Death Do Us Part

But in order to achieve that essential balance, there should be a clear line of communication established between the two before they sign a contract.

:)

This post is an entry to the "LoveMarriage Ya Arranged Marriage" contest organized by Sony Entertainment Television and Indiblogger.