B-School

B is for bat and ball. B is for beautiful. 
And B is for Break ups.

No one teaches you how to handle a break up, whether it’s the person breaking up or the person being broken (if that’s the word I want). Having gone through my share of the above, I've realized that it’s important to have a clean cut in order to be able to enjoy the after-life. And this misconception that people have that- “you can never be friends with your ex.”  It’s shit.

Of course you can be friends.

That’s what you started off as in the first place. 

It takes time, it takes effort, it takes patience, it takes strength, it takes cooperation, and it takes a truck load of other things. But if you manage to survive, it’s worth it. 

So, here are some things I guess I’ve learnt:

First of all, there can be no rules for the person you’re breaking up with.

I mean, seriously, if you expect them to understand and co-operate, you’re asking for the moon.

You are. They’ll get there eventually, but you’ve got to give them time and space. Time for the feeling to sink in and space for all the tears/hurt/the feeling of “why does this have to happen to me” etc..

Giving time and space doesn’t mean you have to desert them.

You still have to be there. You are expected to be there. And no, it’s not asking for the moon.

If you could pluck up the courage to tell someone you loved them, you can’t possibly be a chicken. So don’t act like one.

The real test of love (among many others, I’m sure) lies in whether you actually manage to be there for them when they need you. And at what point in time could they need you more than when you decide to leave them and go? So in effect, you need to go, but you also need to be there. Paradox? I’m afraid so. But not impossible, if you know how to use your common sense and grit.

How you propose portrays the kind of person you are.

But how you break up speaks volumes about you.

It’s an arena where not only is your love put to test, but also your ability to behave responsibly. When you get down to brass tacks, relationships involve people. So basically, it’s how well you can handle yourself as well as the other person.

Why is it important to handle the other person?

Because more often than not, the other person is not capable of handling themselves. 

They will tell you to get lost, that they never want to see your face again. They will act angry, throw tantrums, and act unreasonable. And that’s when they need you the most. That’s when they’re at their most vulnerable. And all the while, you think they’re being immature. 

Put yourself in their shoes. Think. What is it that’s holding them back from being upfront with you and telling you that they need you? It’s the fact that you can let go of them so easily (or so they think). Rationality is bound to take a back seat! So don’t turn your back on them.

You enjoyed their affection. Now you’re expected to put up with some shit.

At the end of the shit period, they will be so grateful that you put up with them and that you didn’t just leave. And they will be sorry that they gave you shit in the first place. They may or may not say that to your face. Again, it’s the guilt and the knowledge that they were acting stupid that’s playing up here. Don’t push it.

If you’ve been at it a long enough time and it doesn’t seem to be moving it, let it go. But make sure you were really AT IT. Otherwise it doesn’t entitle you to walk away just yet. 

However, if the peace-pigeon does seem to be waving that olive branch in your face, grab it. 

And hang onto it. And water it and make it grow.

Turning a messy relationship into a beautiful friendship is an art.

And I say that because the object of art is to turn something ordinary/ugly into something beautiful. It’s a true showcase of the skill and talent of the artist. Think of yourself as an artist.

Away from the emotional drama, a clean cut actually brings the two of you closer in way that’s very special. And that will always be special. Contrary to popular opinion, it’ll infuse more security into your friendship. 

You won’t have to talk everyday or convince each other that you’ll always be there for each other. You already know it. You will create a relationship between the two of you that no language and no dictionary will ever have a word for.