Melancholic Longing

It has been a while. More than a while that I've written.
I want to blame it on stories and ideas in the head that didn't take shape, but then that would be a lie.

Every now and then, an idea weaves in my head. 
A concept waiting to be typed out. 
A story, waiting to be told. 
Waiting to culminate into something more than just a story; but to something that would reach out and touch your hearts. My heart. However, I've shunned that away. Why? 
Well, sometimes there aren't any answers. 

I can see the darkness in me clawing away at the blank slate of my mind, chalking out words frantically and not wanting to stop at that.
Seems like the slate isn't enough anymore.
Seems like I can't be contained anymore.
Seems like the light has lost its way and paved way to the darkness that takes over. 
Everything about this feels so rushed. 
And then, when I gather myself, or so I'd like to believe, the slate is blank again.

When you left; or may I add - 'suddenly' left, you took away a part of me that I never even knew existed.
You left me with a daunting feeling of loss and helplessness that refused to leave.
You left me in a tangle of emotions that I couldn't comprehend, let alone, let go of. 
My heart took refuge in the little cocoon it built around itself to mask the restlessness and despair that wouldn't let me think straight. And, how could I think straight?
I wouldn't let anyone around me.
I wouldn't listen to the air of concerns or love that others would provide.

No one would understand. 
No one but you could rid me of this melancholic longing I felt to keep you close. 
But, you. You weren't here to see any of it.
You wouldn't partake in the uncertainty or anxiety, I felt.
You probably didn't even feel the way I felt. 
Did you feel anything at all? Oh wait, I don't want to know. 

I was caught in a web of lies and deceit that you intricately weaved. 
All those words of love, all those actions was a facade you put up.
Didn't you see the life I saw in the twinkle of your eyes?
The love I found when you held me close?
Were you oblivious to my intent of staying with you, forever?
But, you've become a shadow.

My every move seems to be backed by your ghostly presence in my mind.
I know that this distance can't be bridged and I don't want it to, either.
As I watch you slip away, I'm consumed by an imploding urge to hold on to you with all my might. 
But, I won't. 
You must go, because now that's what this is worth, while I reign in the chaos caused by your silence.