All That I Know....

Finally the day I dreaded the most had arrived.
There I stood on the railway station, staring endlessly into the eyes of the man I love. 

Cursing the damn train for taking apart that aching bit of me that had finally completed the puzzle called ''me''.
Deep within I searched for that one precious tear drop to express my sorrow, but none could I find. Guess every tear of mine had boarded the same train as him.

Suddenly my mind turned into flashback mode, travelling all the places we would meet, playing the tracks we sung, the times we said the most without saying a word and of course- the fights. 
A certain few parts I replayed, another few I dreamt of.

Alas! What is life without a few regrets?
Imperfection was our perfection.

Just then the devil in the train pulled off, and there he stood, waving his last goodbye.
All of a sudden I knew what I wanted most. Time was running out and up until now I hadn't said a word. Shit!
How I wished a second was enough to scream out all the things unsaid, un-fearing of your family who in any case had trademarked me as a fool.
But again, I found myself in my ambitious thoughts of you and I

Every time I'd come visiting, you'd probably sneak me in your hostel room. Make love fearlessly for tomorrow was no worry.
Tell me stories of the girls I'd want dead, because a girl in love knows only of extremes.
You'd speak languages I'd never heard but somewhere I'd understand or I'll pretend to! 
Then travel back to college on an early Monday morning replaying the happenings of the night, fantasizing you to be a poet writing dark poetry, or an artist doodling dreamy lines...

But this is all a dream.

For you've boarded the train that you'd waited 365 days for.
I know my life in the next 2 years would revolve around you. Where I'd go to study, how far from your city would I be, phone bills, saving money, etc.
At 21, life should encircle academics but what if I said, yes I dream to excel but I even dream of you?? Would your practical self be moved enough to fit me in your life?

How I wish we were 28 and sure of this thing we feel!
Inside of me a little, but powerful voice spoke ever so softly saying how about marrying me?!
But then I heard you laugh at my stupidity. I saw you take your arms off me and I knew for sure that little inner voice had disappeared. AGAIN!

Now I feel the tears run down my cheeks. I need to throw up.
I had to ask myself if I love him all that much?
To which I said out loud, "I know not what love is, but if it is what I feel for him, then I do."
Aah... it was the ‘you’ in me talking :)

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it(anywhere I go you go ,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)

I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
And whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart) 
-EE Cummings

P.S. I will always love you. And if you finally do take the dreadful train one day, I will wait at the end of the tunnel for the sun to shine and the birds to chirp our love song because I know not of a union stronger than the one in which I grew up.

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