Almost Lover

It neither occurred to her, nor to him.
But the distances were closing...
Like a pack of cards all taut in tension but soon falling apart.

They had finally let their guards down..
It was in the moment, the entire moment..
The universe seemed to be conspiring against her, against her beliefs and against her faith in herself.

Her handwriting was getting obscure, as obscure as her thoughts and feelings for this man next to her.
Guilt there was none, but fears there were several...
Today, yesterday and tomorrow were least of her concerns.
Sleep deprived emotions alive, that was her; naked in his arms...
She didn't wish to give this a second thought.

The world would claim this to be her biggest mistake.

Her handwriting just got more haywire, just like her breath when he kissed her all so suddenly.
She left. Without saying a word.
He lay restless in bed hoping for her return. Although he knew this was NOT the way he'd chalked out his life to be.
In her hurry to leave she didn't realize that she had worn his shirt with the label in front, the wrong way...
Just like his scent lingered on her skin ...the right way.
Who did she want to fool?
She didn't want to know...
She needed him in her life...
He didn't need her, but he wanted her.
Probably wanting to own her for this one long night, taking her to places she'd never been, but he hadn't been there either..still he knew.

Was it lust or love? 
They didn't dare to find out 'coz the truth of their lives had always hurt.
THIS was their chance to negate it all... 
Never to start afresh, but to find themselves in each other, in the arms that reached out to one another...in the truth that entangled their fingers.
She was going off track, she miss-spelt. 
Who was to know what she wanted out of herself and him?
Nothing.
That is where 'the answer' lay- in nothingness (at least that gave her a sense of relief, if nothing!) ...it calmed her.

Her handwriting settled to the one she knew of in all her growing years.
It was the fear of stepping out, out of her confines, out of her zone of comfort into unknown territory. Only to protect herself from the devil within her, who loved playing havoc.

He tossed and turned, eventually falling asleep in the comfort of the dark night.
He left. Without saying a word.
Many seas and many years were separating them...
She read, she read a lot...erotica and hard core literature.. Not to find herself but to distract her of the growing passion within to leave the known and set foot into the unknown.

Today, yesterday and tomorrow still didn’t bother her.
She was her biggest fear.
He was his biggest fear.
Turning life a 360 degrees was their biggest fear.
Were they brave enough to face the game they never played?
They surrendered...
To the fate of life, to the choices they made the other night... to the unfinished business they would never settle.
Indeed they were cowards in the game of life, giving in to realistic pleasures, unwilling to explore the potential of their uncanny attraction.
But this time around they didn't want to leave love to chance.

Cigarettes and magazines were part of their daily intake.

To burn off every night, for they still live in hope of their clinging naked bodies making fierce love...
Taking them to places known through previous lovers and still unknown to each other.

Her handwriting shivered EVERYDAY.
Their bodies cried for that dim ray of hope.
They secretively STILL yearned to explore.
But they STILL were cowards.
There still existed that tiny little hope in each other..

In that moment to show them the path back into each other’s arms..

Like there exists a hope in all her letters, let’s not exclude this one too.

P.S: Her handwriting still quivers.
P.P.S: She still doesn't know if it is love or lust.. or longing
Her books still keep her company.
But don't forget there still exists hope.
WHO knows? 
They didn't, they don’t.. Do YOU?

P.P.P.S: She still wears his shirt with the label in front..the wrong way! :) 


" Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do....."

''ALMOST LOVER''- A FINE FRENZY