Angry post!

Okay people, this is the place I ramble when I’m upset…so no sympathy, okay?

Nothing’s quite right. The past few days have been a roller coaster…of events and emotions I could never prepare myself for. Yet, I’m unusually numb…like I don’t care. My mind and my heart are playing tricks on me…the pain doesn’t even seem real and yet it’s real enough to keep me awake all night, night after night and make my heart ache – literally. I’m not strong enough to deal with so much all at once…and so I do what I do best – I keep pushing it back, hoping it’ll disappear somewhere in the already cluttered, cobwebbed past.

Something terrible happened today. Family issues. Ugh. Right now, all I needed was my best friend because I didn’t want to be alone. He consoled me knowing I was crumbled inside; coaxed me to cry, scream even if necessary. I just sat there across the computer, staring blankly at the screen...suffocated. I’m drained of all energy to react to pain and recover from it. Or maybe somewhere in my subconscious mind, I don’t want to anymore. I’m tired of being hurt every single time. Maybe I want to be completely destroyed…because from there, the only way is UP. I’m stuck somewhere in between and sinking so agonizingly slow that I can feel every painful jab at my soul.

On a lighter note…I did something different and outrageous this time around. I usually get ecstatic when I’m angry. I’d ignore dirt but if I lose it completely, the person is in for a shocker because I go berserk and vent out all that's inside of me. But this time, rather than talking to the person one-on-one I'm letting out the frustration built up inside of me:

“God I think she owes me an apology for talking behind my back. Bloody bitch. She talks stuff about me which she isn't even sure of and manipulates people. She was my friend for a good 3 years and that's all she knows me?? God that's just pathetic. If you have the f*****g guts, then talk to me directly na. Why the f*** do you have to go tell others or spread rumors. What are you jealous of? Why do you have so many issues with me & pretend like everything's alright? If you have some self-respect or for the humanity's sake, learn to get a grip on your tongue or you're going to regret. You call yourself a friend? Do you even know who a FRIEND is or even the meaning of 'friendship'? I NEVER expected this kind of behavior from YOU. Just thought I’d remind you, because you obviously don’t have the decency or the shame. Cheapo.”

Verbally, there's much more that I'd like to say, but I'll stop right here! My BF tells me the Southie in me finally surfaced *snigger*.

PRETENTIOUS LOSER is what she will be known as from now on. I like it.

I’m (usually) NOT the bitchy kind. I despise these damsel-in-distress type. But when someone makes false statements and manipulates people and pretends to be innocent- GOD save you! I will hurt you till you cry.

Yes, Hell hath no wrath like a woman scorned!