I Wish I Could Sleep

I wish I could sleep.  

What is this feeling of alienation?

There's nothing for me. No one for me.

I can't sleep.

When I do, I see myself burning into ashes.

I see myself alone.

I see myself embarrassed and crying.

I wake up disoriented and scared.

I can't think about it.

There's too much to do.

I stare at the drone of words and images on the laptop.

I think of sleep and my face reddens as my eyes well.

I wish I could cry, but there's no place to go.

This is not the time.

This is not the place.

This is not home.

I can't tell anyone why I can't sleep.

I can't tell them what I see. 

Then they'll know too much of me. 

When did I get so secretive?

Where do I go to find familiarity, when no one knows me? 

What is happening? 

I need to sleep.

Tears will come, sleep will come. On loop.